in a world that tells us thay there are no magical cures, remembering magic is the cure.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
i'm coasting down hills not forcing myself to pedal. i'm letting things that are not mine crumble & burn around me & walking away unscathed. i'm stepping out of lessons meant for others & letting them live through them. i'm hacking trails in sweaty, unknown jungles. i'm taking off my hero mask. i'm putting down my therapist notepad. i'm letting myself be the person no one will look for answers from. why? because sometimes it's not Quan Yin, sometimes it's Kali. And that's positive too. We just aren't taught to embrace it.
Monday, September 2, 2013
After 2 years of intentionally not practicing, I'm going back to yoga this week. Why would anyone not practice? Especially a yoga teacher?? Especially on purpose?? Well here's a thing that happened to me. I got into yoga in the first place as a rehabilitative tool to help me get through a big-time illness that had me bed-ridden for three months when I was 22. I found a fantastic teacher when I was 25 who encouraged me to go to Kripalu. After my YTT at Kripalu I didn't teach but I kept up my practice and I created a beautiful life for myself in the USA. Coming back to Canada, I launched immediately into teaching without a support system in place, without a sense of groundedness or identity in a new place, without a community. What happened is that I burned out. The position of being a container for other people's experience when I was totally adrift became too dischordant for me. I had an experience of teaching a class & doing sivasana with my students where i ended up crying silently while trying to remain composed for them. I got yoga-ed out. Now it is possible that if I had just returned to my own practice, I could have approached my "stuff" from a yogic perspective in a yogic way but one of the reasons I moved back here was to pursue training with a shaman & that is the route that I chose. Fast forward to now & this is the first time I have felt courageous enough to take it back to the mat. So this week, I'm going back to my own practice. I am starting to feel called to teach again, but these small moments of breath & asana are where it has to all begin.
Saturday, August 31, 2013
I've been doing a lot of shaman work this week & it got me thinking. What if "soul mates" are like human power animals in 3D. They choose to work with is because it is mutually beneficial for healing & they agree to share their teachings & medicine with us (sometimes because it is in resonance with our personal medicine so the gift multiplies, sometimes because that medicine teaching is missing from our experience & is necessary to fortify & strengthen us). Just like with power animals the relationship can be simply for mutual evolution & can have a beginning & an end or it can become devoted totem alliance based on spiritual compatibility & aligned healing goals. Maybe that's how it is.
Let's validate each other's inner beauty. The inside part can be harder, scarier, require us to feel things we don't want to. To engage with what frightens us. If we put nearly as much effort into beautifying our inner space with our intentional excavation & self-inquiry as we do with money, adornments & stuff for the outer representations of us there would be peace, unwavering health for all beings, compassion as a guiding principle. Next time you want to compliment someone consider, "I admire you" or "You are so inspiring to me" or "I can feel your beauty in everything you do" rather than "You look good!" We need to urge each other to spend time making our insides beautiful then the outside will just follow without effort.
Monday, August 26, 2013
What about the role of healing as an art form? Growing up as the daughter of a working artist, I thought often of the therapeutic role of art on a personal level and as a therapeutic transmission of communication medium on an interpersonal level. I as a kinesthetic person, my art for many years was dance in fact, training in dance led me to an injury that took away that form of expression for me. For years I struggled with no medium. I went to art school, theatre school, photography school, tried music but none of it spoke with my voice. What does is dreamwork. What does is teaching yoga & working with natural foods to help heal. What does is creating plant based medicines. What does is shaping spaces to provide a healing container. And so just as art performs a much needed healing role, perhaps there are indeed healing artists for whom creating space for healing to become in becomes an artform in itself. Perhaps the world needs healing artists to keep and transmit the language of original intent, ancient knowledge, multi-dimensional existence & human potential just as much as it needs keepers & transmitters of the language of human experience & beauty. And so, maybe I never lost my art. Perhaps it has been in me all the time painting landscapes & playing songs that I never ascribed enough value to.
Blessed be the forebears for carrying the vision & our collective pain. For being big enough to hold it all & to want to birth it stil. That some of we, their children might awaken from fever dreams to find comfort in knowing arms. May we carry this healing touch into the night. May we remember rooted parentage as it pulses & gives life to everything. We were never lost. We are not forsaken.
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Perhaps by acknowledging the things that gnaw, the things with teeth, the secret inner knowings, the things that frighten us, the things we fear & not shrugging them off with "otherness" but seeing that they too are a part of us, the power we give them is diminshed. Through integration all is de-mystified and recognized as selfhood. The things we were once fearful of can become allies & teachers if we let them show up as they really are & don't turn them into monsters.
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
I had a dream last night where my brother & I were in a giant store called "Gnosis." The store had a floor that looked like grass but when you stepped in you realized it was water covered in algae. Instead of panicking, brother & I put it together by talking to each other. We realized that it was an illusion & that as soon as you acknowledged the illusion it had no power & you could stand up & move freely. Looking around the store we saw thay many people were treading water & immobilized but a few were walking around the store with me & brother. We were grateful to those few for helping us to figure it out. Yesterday I was asking myself about the nature of freedom, the dream teachers are always listening!